The walk of joy

I saw the movie Joy on Christmas Day with my family 

*side note–did you notice in the calendar on your cellphone how the 26th is blocked off as a holiday simply called “the day after Christmas”?  I’ve looked at it a few times and I’m not sure what I think but my facial response could indicate amusement/confusion/mostly amusement.

There’s a scene in the movie where Joy cuts her hair in a moment of needing a turn around, a change of attitude, a sign of fierce reinvention.  It’s a moment I’ve seen in other films as well as watched with many women friends. More than my initial tendency to brush it off with an “aw come on that’s dramatic”–I find it beautiful and historically prominent, like some kind of engrained thought women have of the empowerment in their hair.  Every woman I’ve known who has cut or shaved her hair off or even dyed it has been in a state of turning herself into a new state of existence.  Every time I cut or dye my hair I have the all too common moment in front of the mirror where I know I can’t let anyone else hold the scissors or color, I have to put my hands in my locks.  I have to make a change.  I have to become a new entity and the power is in the act.

 I’ve thought about cutting my hair a lot lately…having gone through a phase of growing it and correlating that to a healthy, natural and almost maternal sense of self–sans the act of growing humans. Maybe I was mothering myself? Maybe that’s 2 years of therapy talking? Well, for sure it wasn’t about actual babies. Now I’m wanting to cut it off to allow a new change. One that comes with a half smirk of woman she-ra power that accompanies the bold move. The battle face of ramped up oncoming fucking success.

I don’t know that I will actually alter my hair right now. I’m worried how my body changing as I begin treatment tomorrow will affect my face, how I will feel with less coverage when at this time all I want is more until I’m done with weight restoration….until I’m done becoming my true form.  Maybe then I’ll change my hair, but for now I’m pretty damn proud to take on an entire body change.

Oh but I’m still going to do the power walk…that’s in the movie too.  It’s a stride you take with your head up, your eyes focused, your chest out, heart centered and beaming. And the same smirk applies.  That same empowerment applies. 

A new self.

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