It is hot as balls outside. If you aren’t in Texas don’t come, it’s hot as balls. Everywhere I walked around today made me feel like I was blending into evaporated smoldering heat stroke. It adds to the already confused ether in between my ears. It feels like a red carpet has been rolled straight down my throat, coating everything in some sort of yellow brick road that alice from wonderland has stolen. Rabbits with clocks parading around, ghosts pacing and everything has buttons for eyes. It’s the feeling when you’ve done too many drugs that have a long window of time before they wear off and the only way you’re going to have fun is if you accept the little fuckers and ride with them. In that moment, the stillness that moves becomes pleasant and doors keep opening to more good moments, even if what’s behind them are a bunch of little fuckers.
I know my life is in a beautiful exchange right now between the strands and languages and connections that give it meaning, It’s hard not to feel like I’m in the kind of free fall that flattens your face, so I watch the movie Blue Crush a lot. It helps. I don’t know what it is about surfing movies but they really kill any urges to self harm or drink. Oh wait, I get it…surfing urges, riding the wave, riding that big ole wave of life…surfin it out. Fuck man, I’ve done way too much DBT. My favorite thing after all that DBT is to say but all the time, because they always tell you to say and instead….uhhh…BUT no.
I should however use some skills to work on some food, I’ve gone back to drinking mostly supplements throughout the day to avoid getting completely malnourished while hoping to avoid “too many” calories. That’s the truth! It’s a rocky road recovering from this shit. blue crush blue crush blueeeee crush